Time to vent on gay marriage. Now, I recently rented the Fellini classic Satyricon, and let me tell you, that was one super-gay movie from the get-go. Was ancient Rome so gay? Or is it all Fellini? And what's with all the spanking? Beats me. Anyway it was so bizzare I have to recommend it. Along with Walkabout. But anyway, back to gay marriage.
I can't argue that some things gay folks do with each other seem unnatural and counter to the purpose of evolution. But then maybe our purpose goes beyond reproduction. Besides, freestyle biking is unnatural and doesn't contribute to evolution either. Hopping about on the front wheel of a bike... not as hard to stomach as assplay for me, a vanilla straight guy, but you get the point. Not all human activity has to fit some fundamentalist God's Plan. Like I'll buy all that stuff about stoning rape victims as God's word and law. Who can be sure who wrote those books anyway? This much I am sure of: God gave us rocks, so let's get 'em off, people.
Now, back to gay marriage. Uh...let's see, Jefferson on religion:
"...it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg..." You could say the same thing of having married, gay neighbors. Neither picks your pocket nor breaks your leg. If anything, if gays are supposedly immoral, at least having them in a monogamous, committed relationship should be a step up from their infamous promiscuity, especially since they have been adopting openly for years. Gay marriage threatens the family. Whose family? Sure as hell not the gay family, and these families aren't going anywhere. Studies by state welfare agencies have found they make fine foster and adoptive families, so guess what: they're here, they're queer, and they're parents. So let them marry. Jesus Homophobic Christ!
The real solution to this 'problem', really just an election year ploy by a president desperate to shore up any support he can get, is a matter of simple language. Nobody of any clout is opposing civil unions, granting legal rights to same-sex couples. What they are opposing is use of the word 'marriage', which represents a sacred (by their definition) tradition of the union of penis and vagina. They just can't tolerate the notion that the same word bandied about in their safe, suburban homophobic church could be appropriated by butt pirates. Isn't that really the root of homophobia in this country? our fear, our loathing, of the ass, particularly the hairy man's ass? Plenty of straight guys will watch two ladies carpet cleaning, even a guy bung a young lady. But man on man... well now, that's a different kind of anus. Same thing happens to home healthcare aides, or folks who work with the developmentally disabled. Mention home healthcare, and the first thing that jumps into most American's sanitary-obsessed minds is: You wipe ass for a living? That is about 2% of the work involved in healthcare, folks, and ass is just as insignificant to the issue of gay marriage. So some guys put things in their asses and enjoy it! Is it any of your business anyway? I don't sit around conjuring up images of my hetero pals engaging in a bit of the old how's-your-father, so why should I be so interested in what my gay neighbors hide, or where they hide it? Where is the moral high ground in hetero marriage these days anyhow, given how many of them end in divorce? Protecting the sanctity of a broken institution.
The real solution: same as when my brother and I fought for a toy. Same as my solution for Israel and Palestine. If you can't share, neither one of you can have it. Jews, Palestinians, send the UN in and kick them all out of Jerusalem. Let the Christians and atheists babysit the holy land until they can agree on how to share it. Take turns, maybe? Gays and homophobes: neither one of you can legally "marry" anymore. Any two consenting adults of any genital configuration can have a civil union, which grants the legal rights a couple needs: then go to your church, mosque, synagogue, temple, pagan bonfire, or don't for any marriage under any god you like. Then you can be "married" and not be worried about who else is or isn't. Of course, that wouldn't stop gays from openly saying, "We're married," which is probably the real goal of the phobic right. Language and culture control. Makes me wanna go Saddam and purge the right-wing Christo-facist bastards, relocate them all to Texas and let 'em secede. They can impose the death penalty on each other all they want, just keep their pollution out of my democracy.
